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  • Writer's pictureKirk

The Desert Bandito (a fictional Friday post)

Ok, I’m not proud of this, but yeah, I am a thief. More specifically, I’m known as the Desert Bandito. I didn’t intend to live this kind of life on the run, but sometimes your life takes a course other than your initial choosing. So now, I must live my life on the run, the real reason for all my travels.

It all started in the deserts of Egypt. I was exploring the area in my buggy:

When I came across this impressive structure:

The Sphinx!!! I found it!

I just knew there had to be treasures unfound within the bowels of this monstrosity. I mean, I doubt anyone ever looked inside before did they? Well, I was going to do it today!

I wandered around the behemoth for a good hour or so before I noticed a secret passageway that everyone had overlooked in the past. It took a keen eye to find it, but after years of exploration I had honed my skills to see the previously unseen.

After some digging and finding the hidden latch, I finally opened the door. Then I descended into the abyss….

How could the world have missed this large opening into this famous structure? I didn’t know, nor did I care, I had some ‘sploring to do! And down I went…to the bottom…

Now the fun begins! Time to poke around a bit to see what all those foolish archaeologists had missed for the last few thousand years.

It didn’t take long before I came across this:

Wow! Could it be? Was it really? It was!!!!! It was the brother of King Tut! I had found the long lost King RootenTutingPooting. After King Tut died, RTP had usurped the throne even though he was not next in line. And now here he was with all his treasures (I hoped).

Well I knew him to be a ruthless king so surely he buried his treasure with him? So I began to snoop around, but….no gold? No jewels? Not even a single silver coin? Ugh! What kind of Desert Bandito am I?

I refused to leave there empty handed so I took the only thing I could find. This old statue of what I assumed to be his Queen:

Queen SniffinToots. His beloved wife. I grabbed her and dashed quickly from the tomb, all the while having visions in my head of outrunning rolling boulders in true Indiana Jones style.

But it was not that dramatic. At least not until I exited the tomb. Upon exit I ran into these chumps;

At first, they took little notice. But then one of the younger men gazed over my way, and he yelled out, “He’s got SniffinToots!”

They quickly pursued but I had a good distance between us. I ran to my buggy and this desperado was off into the sunset:

I was barreling along at a good clip, laughing to myself at the fools I left behind. But then I looked again at SniffinToots. Was she really worth all that effort? Who was the real fool? I risked my neck for this insignificant artifact?

Well, it didn’t matter now. I was far away from those desert dwellers. The Desert Bandito strikes again! But then I noticed something;

They had gotten on their camels and they were in hot pursuit. I didn’t know that camels could run that fast. But they had already made up all the ground on me and now I knew I was in trouble.

They didn’t leave me much choice. I’m really not a violent man, but when I’m pressed against the wall, I must live up to my reputation of being the Desert Bandito. I’m ashamed to say I shot the camels out from underneath them.

Then I just drove on by watching the camels raise their heads for one last gasp of air before collapsing.

I felt so ashamed of myself, but I continued to drive. I mean, what kind of desert Bandito am I if I was to take compassion on these fallen animals?

So I just continued to drive out to the desert. The problem was I had forgot to check my gas level before I set out to my desert hideout.

I finally ran out of gas and had to abandon my buggy. So now it was just me and SniffinToots alone in the desert.

Oh the shame! The famous Desert Bandito out of gas and walking to his his desert hideaway. And with no desert loot either, just a silly small statue of SniffinToots.

After a few hours in the desert sun I finally reached my destination:

Not much to look at but it’s home. My desert hideout. And here I remain in hiding from those vengeful followers of King RTP who would seek me harm because I stole poor SniffinToots.

Please don’t tell them where I am.

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Mike Wells
Mike Wells
Jun 07
Rated 5 out of 5 stars.

What a rebel you are. I said if I was to try and steal something it would be the Brinks truck. I am sure with my luck it would be empty and I would go to jail with nothing. Kinda like the situation your in

Jun 07
Replying to

Let me know when you plan that heist. The Desert Bandito has your back!

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