The Girl who Ate Ants (Semi-Fictional Friday)

I grew up in a small house with 5 siblings, my two parents, and one grandmother. It was difficult since there was only one small bathroom all 9 of us shared at one time. And that bathroom was small! I had a plus sized uncle who claimed he had to back into the toilet. I don't think he was joking.

Anyway, everyone in the family was quite normal except one. The youngest of the litter stood out from the rest. She was the apple of my parents' eyes and always received favorable treatment compared to the rest of us. I always assumed that's what led to her "specialness".

One day when I was playing outside I saw her rummaging through some old cans. There was a pathway between our house that led over the hill across our neighbor's property to the local store. Often we would purchase a coke at the store and toss the can in a collection area behind our house. This is where I found her inspecting the cans.

Unsure what she was doing, yet not wanting to disturb the activity, I continued to watch while hiding behind the tree. What could she possibly be doing with all those cans?

That's when I realized she was examining them for ants. And when she found a can good and full of those delicacies, she emptied them into her mouth and ate them! She wasn't just eating them, but she was sucking them down like a crazed, starved kid at a Golden Coral buffet.

Naturally, I was thoroughly disgusted by the scene I watched unfold before me. What would possess this young child to consume ants in large quantities as she did? She was like a human anteater!

I could stand it no longer. I knew I had to stop this madness. I ran from my hiding spot and approached her, demanding she stop the craziness. But she just let out this hellacious burp and continued to gorge herself on the terrestrial insects.

Now it was time to raise the stakes with the classic line, "I'm going to tell Mom and Dad!" Well, that got her attention. She quickly dropped the can that she was gourging from, and begin to cry these huge crocodile tears all the while running towards the house. I didn't know what she was doing at first, but it didn't take long for me to realize. She was going to rat me out and put the blame on me.

She ran into the house proclaiming, "Mommy, Daddy, Kirk made me eat ants. He came from the store with a whole can of ants, and then he put them in my mouth and forced me to eat them."

I was dumbfounded. How could she lie like that and get me in trouble? I knew there was nothing I could say because she was the favorite, and I was known as the mischievous one. I was in big trouble now.

My mother yelled at me, "Kirk, get into this house right now!" What? How has she turned the tables on me so quickly? What a devious mind to conceive such a plot as this. But it didn't matter now, I knew I was going to get it!

I tried to explain my side of the story, but to no avail. My mother had grabbed the large spanking paddle and just started wailing on me. I just quietly took my punishment like a dazed wrestler in the rink:

But as I was receiving my beating, I could see out the back window of the house. There, my evil sister looked in through the window at me, and I could see the most devious grin on her face.

She had won. Not only did she keep her stash of ant cans, but she had turned the tables on me as well. I was receiving the punishment that should've been reserved for her.

As I was continuing to receive my 20 minutes of torturous punishment, I could see her slip away to the backyard. Back to her aberrant diet of subterranean pests.

Now, perhaps you can better understand why I turned out the way that I did. I was quite a normal child until these events unfolded. But the totality of the beatings I took, as a result of my sister's malfeasance lead me to the resulting person that I am.

Now you know the whole truth.